Tuesday, May 31, 2005
OH NO.
found out some pointlessly stupid information. ARGH. this sucks. ok. whatever. maybe i should just give up. whats the point when i know that this isnt gonna get anywhere? my studies are my most important priority right now. i need to be FOCUSED. YES. FOCUSED. hahha. sch ended early today. heh. which is why im now online. trying to figure out how to write a proposal. hmm. how many ways can u alactually write, "people walk into the hall" and "people walk out of the hall"? ahhah. hmm. nvm. later i shall call nabs and isa and ask them.
history quiz on thurrrrssday!(heh.) gotta start muggin for it soon. ARGH. that stupid thought is still at the back of my head. I NEED TO GO FOR A RUN! ok. thats it. i'll just wait for the usn to set a little and then off i go. need to burn off all the excess prata i had this morning too. hahha. hmmm. *thinks* crapp. just realised i have a lot fo work to do, and yet im happily stoning in front of the pc with my tea next to me.(its a bit early for tea lahh. but i felt like drinking it.) hahha. ARGH. the thought just came into my mind again. NOOOO!!! this SUCKSSSS. my heart has shattered into a million pieces! OH, WOE IS ME! (haha. im so drama. heh.) =x
siggh. i hope rach gets back from m'sia or wherever she's goin soon. then we can all go grab a can and chat. thatd be friggin awesome right now. could do with a hell of a lot of gossipping. hahha. OH YEAH. yesterday i attempted to be SWEET and CARING, and so i send this message to some peeps. "goodnight everyone! happy mugging for tests or whatever. lets enjoy the rest of our so called holidaes. remember, brin loves you! =)" and thennnn, lydia msgs back with, "OMG BRIN. 2mro got test?!" and geraldine calls me and asks me, "brin. you ok anot?" ahhahhaha. WHAT THE. PEOPLE, can you just accept the fact that i am SWEET. hahhahha. dont live in denial! muahahaha. err. *coughs* neverminnddd. ok. im crapping as usual. i feel bored. tho i have tons of work. maybe ill go to sleep for a while. hmm. sounds good. haha. see yooouuu! =)
//.. i've lost all hope in YOU. i want out of this place called home, tonight.
brin bit this at ; 11:40 AM
Saturday, May 28, 2005
brin was friggin bored. so brin did this. heh. its kinda true actually. hahha. cya peeps! love love. -brin. =)
The Keys to Your Heart
|
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. |
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts. |
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. |
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
brin bit this at ; 11:39 PM
crapp.
i never knew i was so sweet! *sob sob* i am so pathetic. im like about to cry coz the poem i just wrote is so depressing. hahaha. i am so bloody lame mann. but go read it kays! i posted it here already. so anyway, i was inspired to write poetry today! hahaha. was watching a little of some movie called Sylvia. its based on sylvia plath. the wife of ted hughes who put her head into an oven n killed herself. hahha. i learnt that in sec 3! haha. not badd. i still remember these things. lit. in sec. sch was bloody fun lahh. all the times we used to talk crapp in lit class with ms oei and still manage to pass our exams. hahha. that rockedd mann.
aighhts. so i was like slacking the whole day today. my aim was to get up at 3pm. BUTTT, my dad woke me up at like 11? dammn. cz we had to go for lunch. haha. so anyway, went fer lunch and then basically bummed around the house, went for a run, and then came home n looked at pictures in magazines. i was too tired to read the words. haha. for once i actually managed to sit down and do nothing. but the more i did nothing, the more i kept thinking, "SHIT. i should be doin homeowrk or sumthing now right." i felt so damn guilty coz i was resting! like crapp. i think im seriously screwed. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A LAZY ASS AND NOT A WORK-A-HOLIC!
arghhh! okay. now i am pissed. why do ppl have to shout? can someone please enlighten me. i hate it when ppl shout when instead, u can just tell someone whatever u wanna tell them in a nice way! like wtf lahh. argh.
ANYWAYS, as i was saying. err. what was i saying? ok. nvm. tomorrow's gonna be a lil hectic. gotta go out in the morning for a while, and then im off ta trim my hair. i hate it when it gets long lahh. i have more bad hair days that way. hahha. im kinda excited about council camp. usually i totally dread going for camps which stretch over 1 night. hahha. but i somehow feel this camp will be different. and its gonna be at the same camp LTC was held! loll. ltc was super lame lahh. i came home lookin like a burnt chicken and i had like blue-blacks all over, just because they made us climb that bloody wall. which was like 1 and a half times my height?! its not my fault im short right! (damn it. i just admitted that. haha) dont worry, i'll grow eventually! =)
aighhts. had a super weird dream last night. i cant really remember what the heck it was about. but i know that it was friggin weird. haha. my ear is totally red right now. spent like fifteen minute tryin to repoke the holes again. and alas, i suceeded! YAY! someone congratulate me on this amazing achievement! haha. hmph. fine. dont then. hahaha. nvm. ooh! rach n maria are online. yay. shall go gossip. miss all da sjc-ians and 4faith loadddsss! =) shall meet up one day. heh. okay, betta be off. see ya peeps! =)
//.. i fell for the smile. =)
brin bit this at ; 9:26 PM
a way.the way you smiled
when everyone was looking.
the way you smiled
when you had only my gaze.
the way you held my hand when
we ran through the leaves.
the way my heartbeat followed
yours.
the scent of your aftershave
clinging to my clothes.
the calmness of your voice
beating upon my ears.
the way you looked at me
when no one was watching.
the way you blew away
my tears.
the way you sang to me
eventhough your friends laughed.
the way your fingers
played with my hair.
the way you could still smile that last smile
for me,
on your deathbed.
the way you could still say "i love you"
eventhough death was calling.
the way your fingers brushed mine
for the last time.
the way my tears fell
as you shut your eyes.
and the way you went away.
by: brin.
brin bit this at ; 9:01 PM
dirt.raindrops stain the window.
dripping forward, and
never backwards.
an unearthly feeling of safety
compiles me whole.
and yet the emptiness i see,
so pure, so clear,
beckons me to cry.
a flood on the window panes.
a hole in the chest.
and the many streams do not help me. for
you
are the only stain i cant remove,
from the heart that
once
was your best.
by: brin.
brin bit this at ; 8:12 PM
Friday, May 27, 2005
*YAWN*
am super sleepy. but i have no idea why im forcing myself to blog one entry before i go collapse on my bed. haha. got home at ard 10pm today. sighh. lit rehearsals really overstretched today. but i spose i gotta start getting used to it. today was like a total "explosion of emotions" day for some peeps i noe. which was really surprising for me i guess. it was just kinda overwhelming. like the whole thing. i just had to take a walk and like get a deep breath of fresh air. i mean, we all chose to go to a jc right. so we gotta live with our decisions, no matter how stressful or over-taxing life may be. we chose what we wanted to do. so i guess we should just make the best of it.
righht. so this week was an INTERESTING week. found out a couple of details which were extremely DISTURBING. hmm. hahha. but anyway.. ive come to a conclusion which i have continuosly told Nabs. let ppl think what they want to think. nothing u can do or say is gonna make them change their mindset abt things. so why bother worrying or fretting or whatever. oh godd. here i go trying to sound all philosophical again. hahhhaha. crapp. im falling asleep on the keyboard. *snores* okayy. nvm. before i go, i'd just like ta say, congrats to all the council nominees! we've worked so hard n come so far, let's push on yea! =) haha. aighht. im seriously dozing off.GOODNIGHT. da brinster is goin to bed. taaaa! *waves*
//.. what's the story behind that look you keep giving me?
brin bit this at ; 11:47 PM
Saturday, May 21, 2005
"Goodbye For Now" - A Change of Pace
I've lost all hope in youI want out of this place called home tonight
So goodbye for now
I'm never coming back no, not tonight
And when the smoke clears
nothings leftBlack ashes still fall from the sky
I see a figure standing far away
And a shadow on the ground, but I don't know why
And then a picture of you crosses my mindAnd then fades away and I realize that I'm all alone
I've lost all hope in youI want out of this place called home tonight
So goodbye for nowI'm
never coming back no, not tonight
And life is dark with your eyes always closed
you'll never see a thing
I never wanted any of this, no not at all
But it will be okayGet away from this, leave it all behind
There will be a brighter day
Bittersweet every touch,
Still burning in my memoryCan't turn back the hands of time,
Can't make believe that your still mine'Cause your so far away
I've lost all hope in you
I want out of this place called home tonight
So goodbye for now
I'm never coming back no, not tonight
(Bittersweet every touch, Still burning in my memory
Can't turn back the hand of time,
Can't make believe that your still mine
'Cause your so far away)
Goodbye for now...
I've lost all hope in you
I want out of this place called home tonight
So goodbye for now
I'm never coming back no, not tonight
All eyes off me,
no more pathetic memoriesAll eyes off me, no more pathetic memories
All eyes off me, no more pathetic memories...
brin bit this at ; 10:06 PM
OH CRAPP.
my earholes have closedddd. arghhh. ive been spending an hour tryin to re-poke the bloody hole in my ear but its not working! ARGHH. my favourite piercing is now gonneee! NOOOO! crappp. this is depressing! ARGH.
okayy. today was like a super tiring day (what's new? haha.) so anyway, had the heats today. and it ended ard 6? so i tried to hang ard the track a lil while longer so wouldnt have to go for lit so early. haha. but, it didnt matter cz lit rehearsals today stretched until 9+ pm! arghh. and i was just so bloody stressed and pissed off today that i had to clear off some steam. sooooo, at ard 9+ in the night, me n louisa went to run around the sch track! yay! haha. was friggin retarded, and i bet the debaters who were having their camp or whatever prob. thought we were mad. hahaha
oh well, sometimes u have to do what u have to do. hahhaha. brin, that is so lame. hahahha. nvm. im growing senile. haha. right. so anyway, i feel like going for a jog tomorrow morning. hahha. this is part of my self organised Keep Fit sessions, or in other words, Brin-Needs-To-Lose-Weight sessions. hahha. nvm. I AM NOT WEAK! (haha. that's just a class joke, courtesy of lydia. hee.) oh crap. i think my hair is drying in a weird shape. rarrrrrr. nevermiinndd.
but overall, today was a crapp day at sch. was kinda upset over sumthn, but i realised i was just being stupid gettin upset over somethin so dumb n pointless like that. so yeaa, from today onwards, BRIN WILL NOT BOTHER ABOUT PATHETIC MINOR DETAILS! HMPH. *grumbles* heh. okayy. im crappin again. betta head ta bed. gonna sleep the morning away n start my homework tomorrow so i wont panic last minute. hee. this is what you call guai-ness! YAY. heh. okayy. betta be off. cya peeps! and to Lamerz United, i miss you guys a lotttttt! we have to meet up and crapp one day. brin loves you! =) haha. buhh byeee!
//.. regret me, dont forget me.
brin bit this at ; 12:15 AM
Thursday, May 19, 2005
HELLO WORLD!
okayy. am feelin extremely crappy today. today i have no homework! YAY! okay. actually, i did have homework, but i just finished my PI and done sum research for the malay project. heh. taking a break today from my studies. so tiredd. ah well. sposed ta have the heats today but it was postponed cz of the rain. so we ended up like waiting for like an hour? i dont know. hahah. had the j2 rally thingy today. i think i totally screwed up my answers. but whats done is done. all i can do right now is hope for the best.
was EXTREMELY happy and hyper during lunch break today. heh. =) nabs, lydia n alex should noe why. hee. =D couldnt stop smiling to myself all throught the rest of the day. hee. after that "incident" i totally forgot what an idiot i made myself look like up on stage today. haha. patrick starr soooo rocks my world right now. hahhaha.
ANYWAY, enuff about that. heh. im tired. i want to sleep. ok. i think i shall go relax, stone for a while, call geraldine to complain/gossip, and then go to bed. *yawn* got a looonng day ahead tomorrow. got lit. til 9 again. sigghhhh. cya peeps! =)
//.. you make me smile. =)
brin bit this at ; 9:18 PM
Sunday, May 15, 2005
RIGHT.
its 1230 in the morning and im still stoning at the comp. screen. argh. am wide awake altho my brain is half asleep. heh. argh. i need to do my PI but i cant think right now. I NEED SOME INSPIRATION!!! err. you see. this is what happens when brin tries to be a genius and sleeps the whole afternoon away. GOOD JOB BRIN! haha. okayy. im goin insane. hee. =x
anyway, just feel like ranting n complaining today. im in a ranty mood now. haha. and i know i should stop complaining, but i cant help it lahh. haha. things like these just need to be voiced out. hahaha. okay, so anyway, why do people have to change? i mean, okayy, if you're changing for the better, by all means, GO AHEAD! but like, if you're changin just to impress someone, what the hell is wrong with you? its just so damn fake. face it, the world may not change for you, but that doesnt mean that you have to change for the world! i wish people would stop tryin to live their lives as a friggin popularity contest.
it'd be friggin awesome if we were like still living in the whole caveman era. hahahha. and then like we wouldnt even need to think about stuff, cz we probably didnt even noe how to think yet. (HAHA.) that would be greeeaatt. so anyway, back to my ranting (heh.), so yeaa. dont change for people! CHANGE for yourself!!! you'll never go far if you choose to be an asswipe for the rest of your life. just be yourself! (that is so cliche. hahah.)
okayy, i think "YOU" know im talking about you right. haha. you know i still care about you despite all the stupid things i say to you all the time. haha. i dont know if you remember what i told you when it all started out. but try to remember what i said and listen to me! hahaha. for once im not talking that much of crap kays. and you still owe me an iPod Shuffle. hahaha.
aighht. i give up. my brain is still not workin. am goin back to sleep. damn. i need to go for a run. shall wake up at seven. heh. or at least TRY to. hahha. aighht peeps, brin loves ya. over and out! =)
//.. and how can the world want me to change, they're the ones that stay the same. (how appropriate. *looks at _____* hahaha. okay lahh, i'll cut you some slack. =) )
brin bit this at ; 12:50 AM
Saturday, May 14, 2005
ARGH.
omggg. talk about major tired-ness. haha. once again, im super poofed. whats new right. haha. had lit production til ard 9 ysdae. then rushed home, ate, studied, slept. argh. muh days are gettin seriously monotonous. hahha. wake up. bathe. go to school. come home. eat. homework. sleep. hahaha. aighht. but i aint complaining. i basically just asked for this when i chose to go to a jc lahh. hahha.
hahaha. im in a lovey-dovey mood now. HAHAHA. must be cz i was listening to stupid soppy love songs this morning. couldnt find da cd i burnt that day. argh. hmm. was just thinkin abt yesterday. hee. neverminnnnddd. im crapping as usual. but really, why do i even bother? WHHHYYYY? argh. forget it.
* WARNING: moderately deep reflection space ahead. (heh.) *
right. so anyway, been doin a hell of a lot of thinking recently. realised that this year, my mind seems a lot more clearer. like i feel so much more focused. i know what i want. and i know that i'll get them, as long as i work hard. and i dont mean this like just for my studies or whatever. but i feel much more focused. and i realised that ive made a lot of decisions based on my instinct this year. usually, i'll just sit down n think things through. but this year, i followed the advice of a certain someone (HAHA.) and followed my heart. (omg. that is so lame. haha.)
righht. so that's as DEEP as brin will get today. the mind is half dead today. need sleeeeep. i am determined to start the next week with a fresh start!!! YEAH!! GO BRIN! YOU ARE NOT WEAK! haha. eh, thanks lydia for the WONDERFUL/INSPIRATIONAL/PURELY CRAPPY phrase. hahhahaha. right. my bed is calling. heh. but before i go, just wanna share with you guys something i came across.(here i go becoming all DEEP again. haha.)
One of you routs a thousand, because the Lord your God fights for you, just as he promised. - Joshua 23:10
i love that. it means a lot to me. knowing that someone's up there looking after you as you go through life.. the feeling is amazing. and to tell you the truth, its probably the only thing that's keeping me going. prayer is everything.
okayyy. HAHA. ill stop preaching. betta go ta bed. see yaaaa! =D
//.. thank you for being there when i needed you most.
brin bit this at ; 1:41 PM
